Who is at fault?

נושא עון ועובר על פשע למי נושא עון לעובר פשע לשארית נחלתו
אמר רבי אחא בר חנינא אליה וקוץ בה לשארית נחלתו ולא לכל נחלתו
.למי שמשים עצמו כשירים
.ראש השנה יז

The Oruch Le’Ner explains that only someone who holds himself low merits for his sins to be forgiven. Someone who does not react to an insult because he dismisses the insulter does not merit forgiveness.

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